Thursday, March 27, 2008

Oh the Drama. An Open Letter, if you will.

We went to my parents for Chocolate Bunny/Jesus Resurrection Day. Have a massive amount of leftovers. My mom invited us and we accepted before his mom invited us. Plus, my mom is way more active with the kids on a daily/weekly basis, and they would want to go there anyway. Dave's mom lives 1 1/2 hours away too, so it's kind of a "thing" to go out there. We took the kids out there a couple of months ago to see her. Apparently this still upset Dave's mom, and she tried to guilt him into that hardly anyone was coming for Easter, but he held steadfast.

Apparently during this Easter Dinner of a few people discussion of the wedding reception came up, and one of the guests there was not one of the few that was invited. And is not a blood relative. Including everyone's kids the guest list including ourselves is like 35. It just so happened that the core of Dave's family were there. The crappy thing is apparently Dave's brother was voted to call Dave tonight and "just to let him know, X person is upset they didn't get an invitation" and then make small talk for 5 mins, trying to cover up the fact that they were the one voted to make the uncomfortable phone call. DO NOT DO THIS TO YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS, PEOPLE.

This person wasn't invited for a couple of reasons. And so, I bring you a public service announcement on social etiquette!

1. If you are diagnosed with a major mental illness, it's probably not a good idea to announce this in the middle of a huge family gathering and expect for people meeting you for the first time not to think you are um, well, crazy. If you also don't talk to these people when they attempt to engage you in conversation this just reinforces the crazy thing.

2. The second time you meet your "relative's" new significant other (that is already serious, as they are cohabitating) don't ask your "relative" for their ex spouse's phone number or email because "you miss them." And don't ask this in front of the new romantic partner. This is particularly important if you don't bother to find out why the divorce happened, and that this person made their life and their children's lives a living hell, and continues to do so on a weekly basis. This point in itself is probably enough to ensure you won't get invited to THIS COUPLE'S CELEBRATION OF THEIR NEW MARRIAGE. Call the ex and badmouth them together instead, ok? You have an open invitation there, I would imagine.

3. If you didn't get invited, there is a reason. (see 1 and 2). Additional reasons for not being invited could be:

a. the bride and groom aren't wealthy, and very few people are invited (as in the Bride's family that is invited consists of thus: Mom and Stepdad. End of list. Groom's family consists of Mom and Stepdad, Dad and Stepmom, Siblings and their children, Grandma and Grandpa who can't come anyway but want to see the invitation. End of list. No stepsiblings on either side. No cousins on either side. No aunts/uncles on either side. Next on the invite list: those friends that are the "core" as in have always been supportive of said union and talk to/hang out with the bride and groom on a regular basis.)

b. you haven't talked to the bride OR groom, since you asked for the groom's ex-wifes contact info over 2 years ago

c. the bride and groom cringe, wondering what the hell you will blurt out during the reception because you obviously have no restraint whatsoever

While we're at it, and I'm talking about the SOCIALLY RETARDED, the following (unrelated) social etiquette rules should also be abided by:

1. Never ask someone if their girlfriend is pregnant when you hear that they are moving in. The above mentioned ex-wife snidely assumed I was knocked up when Dave, as a courtesy, let her know I moved in. She's lucky she wasn't in the room when I heard this, or she would have eaten my fist.

2. Never ask someone when the baby is due unless you actually see the baby exiting the woman's body. Even if the woman is shopping in a baby store. Even if her stomach is the size of the Titanic. This has never happened to me, but I've witnessed it, and friends, it is UGLY. I'm just sayin'.

3. Never ask someone when they are going to get around to having kids. They may hate kids (like Jay) or be unable to have kids, or just don't want them. Either way, it's none of your damn business who is a breeder and who isn't. Mind your own uterus.

And with that, I think my rant is over, having taken out my frustration on my keyboard.

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