Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Cancer Sucks.

It seems like I am hearing about someone else getting it every week now.

Anyway. The latest victim is an old family friend. From my mom's email:

"Guess who called me tonight? Paulette W****. She and Jim put an ad in the Hibbing paper to try and find you and they called the Hibbing Tribune and found Gramma's phone no. and called her and she gave her my number and yours. They didn't call you cuz they thought you wouldn't remember them. It was really good to talk to her. She said Jim is 70 now and he is dying of cancer and he said he would like to find his "Sasoo" and just talk to her. He had colon cancer 5 yrs. ago and now it is in his lungs and bones. He has just started chemo and finished radiation this week. I know they still think the world of you and they have no kids together and always thought of you like their's. They put in the ad that Auntie Paulie and Uncle Jim were looking for Sasoo. I told her I would tell you about them and that I was sure you'd call them soon. They are dying to talk to you. I told them all about our life etc. f rom when your dad left and they said you sound like a wonderful girl and they always knew you would be. "

Sassoo is my old childhood nickname. I just bawled when I heard this. I mean, they put a freaking ad in the paper in my Grandma's hometown trying to find me. My dad had a falling out with Jim way back when my parent's were still married (they divorced when I was 11) and my mom lost touch as a result.

I traded an email with Paulette this morning, cried through the whole thing. Gave her my phone number and school/work schedule, hopefully they will call when he's up to it. He's in Chemo today.

This makes me feel honored and special in a way that I never have... that it's the wish of a dying man to find the little girl of his ex best friend that used to come and visit some 20 years ago. I used to stay the night over there on occasion and they used to send me presents from their travels all over the world. I hadn't even thought of them in probably 15 years.

I guess I never really imagined I'd ever made that big of an impression on anyone. Very emotional today. Weird feelings all around.

If he's well enough to get visitors I feel compelled to go to him, and I'm not entirely sure why... what do you say? "Thanks for loving me all these years, sorry you are dying?"

Cancer sucks. I need to go to Colorado.

Sunday, January 14, 2007


How is it that I can be completely unafraid of death, and completely terrified of getting old?