Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Honeymoon in Vegas.

So Vegas was super kick ass. I think I responded to everyone that left wedding well-wishes. If not, it's not that I don't love you, it wasn't intentional, and I still love you.

The day of the wedding was major chaos. Despite our waking up at the ass crack of dawn (4am) it was a close call getting there - security at PDX blew, and we had to practically run to make flight 1. For some retarded-ass reason we had to fly to Seattle and then to Vegas. At this point neither Dave nor I had eaten. If you've never been around Dave when he's not eaten consider yourself lucky. Mr. Mellow turns into Mr. Crabby Bitchass. Seriously, it's Jekyll/Hyde. So I got to listen to that for an hour and a half. Landed in Seattle and had to book ass again, but at least managed to grab some overpriced breakfast foods before boarding.

Got into Vegas on time, and had to wait FOREVER to stand in the rental car line. At this point Mr. Hyde was hungry again, and I wanted to choke him by the time we got to the restaurant. Instead I made him take me to the Outlet mall down the road, told him to get a massage from the place there, and get a coffee for god's sake. Then he was back to his old self.

We went to the hotel - I read on message boards that if you slip the desk clerk a $20 and ask for an upgrade you get it. Well, that tish works, so we got a kick ass renovated room on the 25th floor. At this point we were snacky, and needed to kill some time so we got some seriously awesome pastries from JJ's Boulangerie and ate them.

About an hour before the limo came to pick us up I had a major meltdown (payback for Mr. Hyde? HAHA) and freaked the hell out - I decided it was some bizarre version of cold feet that made no sense, and me freaking out over not wanting people to look at me, cause being all dressed up and walking through the hotel everyone talks to you and looks at you. Dave talked me off the ledge and we were off.

The chapel was pretty ghetto, which cracked us up, because we thought we were getting LESS ghetto than the drive thru. They made me hold these god awful fake flowers in some of the pictures, I flat out refused to carry them down the aisle. I also refused to walk down while Dave stared at me, and made him walk with me. I also told them ahead of time to leave the "obey" shit out, cause there was no way in hell I was obeying anyone. LMAO

The pastor said some sappy shit that made me all emotional, and then when he asked him "Dave, do you take this woman to be your wife, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health" blah blah he answered "I do, forever and ever." At this point I start crying like a wussy, and choke out my vows which make Dave cry like a wussy. He started it. Bastard.

Then we posed for a bunch of stupid ass photos that we knew we were gonna laugh at, and I bartered with the white trash chapel owner that tried to sell me them for $700. Ha. Joke. I went through and picked out about 20 of the 115 I actually wanted and told her I was on a budget, I only budgeted $300. Then magically the price fell to $550, then $500, and then $400, as "low as the company would allow her." I knew this was bullshit, but making sure I got the release to them I agreed to $400 and got them all on CD, in all their cheesy glory.

Then we took the limo back to the hotel, I got out of that damn merengue dress ASAP and into jeans and we went and ate at Les Artistes Steakhouse. I ordered the small cut of prime rib which was 16 oz - and I ate the whole damn thing. Hell yeah. We had super good masked potatoes with garlic and brie and mushroom. *drool*.

We wandered some casinos, gambled a little, and ended up in bed around 2.

The next two days we wandered the strip from end to end, only missing a few casinos we didn't care about. And then on day two was TOM JONES.

This is definitely one of the best shows EVER. If you haven't seen a geriatric old man air humping nothing and grabbing his crotch while he sings dirty songs to old ladies in the front row (and a few young ones - he winked at me at one point - hahaha YES!!!) you haven't lived. He played all the hits, and I laughed so hard I was bawling at one point, and trying to hide my face, because Tom Jones didn't need to see me laughing at him. Seriously though - the old man looks a mess, and moves a mess, but he can still sing like you wouldn't believe.

The flight back sucked - was major late, we got in at like 2 am, we were mega sore and bitchy, and it took us all weekend to try to reacclimate. Last night I went to bed at 8pm and slept all night and today felt relatively normal. Las Vegas will KICK YOUR ASS, people.

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