Surrender.

I'm so used to waiting for the other shoe to fall that I don't really know what to do now that I'm not afraid.

I'm so used to feeling alone that I am almost in awe as I feel him all around me, all of the time.

Just knowing he exists is enough for me.

My whole life has been about those issues - feeling like an outsider in my daily existence, like I am on my own little island of nothingness and no one can ever reach me, so why bother trying?

There is freedom in letting go - and having someone catch you. I am caught. All of the crap I went through, all the drama and unhappiness was just preparing me to appreciate and know the difference.

And I have never been happier.