Saturday, August 20, 2011

Independence Day

My mother is still not speaking to me. I decided, since we "broke up" to give her some space, and hopefully we would work things out like we have in the past when she's decided to cut me out of her life. So far she is holding steadfast. I have attempted to comment/talk to her on facebook and received no response. I won't beg her to love me, so it is what it is.

My mom is a hairstylist, and I've been fortunate enough to have her style my hair for most of my life. We have often argued about my hair - typically with me wanting it shorter, and she telling me my face is to round or fat or whatever to handle it. Always in my best interest, of course.

Well, I got my hair cut yesterday. Short. REAL short, how I've always wanted it, and it totally felt like freedom, like Independence Day. My new hair girl (recommended by a girl at work) listened to me totally, I liked her a lot. And my hair is amazing... it feels like ME. As I left there yesterday, with my Jennifer Goodwin inspired pixie cut, I couldn't help but grin from ear to ear. It sounds ridiculous, but it was so empowering. And Dave says it's adorable, and I have to say - even cute when I just let it air dry.

Today I was feeling real sick- I couldn't get out of bed, I could hardly walk, my knee wasn't working (I almost took a header at work the other day when the knee just totally went out when I was going up stairs, and it hasn't been the same since - should have had my cane, damnit), and I was exhausted. The kids left, and I woke up just before 2. We watched some DVR'd things (Gloria Steinem documentary on HBO - awesome!) and knit. I chilled out, and it was awesome. I just wish that I felt better.

Here's the Doc/TMI warning -

So I got a bunch of bloodwork and tests done last week. Testing for lupus basically. 2 of the 3 tests came back normal, and the third has been sent to another lab and should be back in 2-3 weeks, but it's looking good that it's not lupus. Anyway, they took urine too to check kidneys. Turns out I had a raging UTI, and had no idea. I have had a lot of pelvic pain, but just figured it was the stupid fibro. Normally in the past when I had a UTI I knew it right away. This time I had no idea. I wish that everyone that said fibro isn't real (cough cough, mom) could know something like this. I have another friend with fibro that just had an abcessed tooth - and again, had no idea. When you live with chronic pain, you just live with it. I don't complain to anyone but my husband, my fibro sisters, and well, this blog. Complaining doesn't help it, and I refuse to be "defined" by a stupid disease.

My husband is my rock. He has weathered this like a champ, when I know many men would have bailed, he stepped up to the plate and has helped me adjust to this the best he can, and he's so understanding... when I say I need to sleep, he makes sure I can sleep. When I say I need something, he's on it. I am so so lucky. I knew I was lucky before to have married my best friend, but this whole "sickness and in health" thing really has come in to play, and I'm thankful for him every day.

I am also thankful that my BFF was able to get her mom to let us stay at her beach house for three days next week. This will be our vacation for the year, period, #1 due to finances, and #2 this is the one week of the year we are kid free (they will be with their bio mom for a week). I have to think of something nice I can do for BFF's mom to thank her for her generosity. I am so looking forward to this - I am sure it will be "chill" - I look forward to some knitting, reading, cuddling with my hubby, and having that amazing salt air heal my soul. YAY BEACH!!


  1. Knit her a tea cozy... or a scarf. ;) Have a great weekend, bff. <3 you.

  2. Have fun at the beach house - you deserve some time away!