Wednesday, July 8, 2009

I think this is it.

I went in and leaned down he made eye contact. When I held his hand he held it back, not sure if it was instinct or recognition, but it caused me to lose it.

Bawled for about 10 minutes.

Told him I loved him, he’d been a good daddy, that I understood he needed to go soon and that I was ok and he would feel better soon. For whatever that’s worth.

He’s thinner, which I know seems impossible. His skin is yellow, clammy, hot. There’s no way he can make it out of this, in my mind. This is round 2 with pneumonia.

Not a peep out of him, except for one half-assed cough. Sitting there with his head to the side, nodding off.

And so it goes.

I feel like the one who's dying. I thought I was at peace with all of this, but obviously I am not.

1 comment:

  1. Awww, honey. I can't say, "I know how you feel" because I don't. But, I know that you know I'm with you on this. When he does go, it will be for the best. He is obviously suffering; has been for many years. Call me anytime you need me.