More Old Poetry 12-10-04

In my dreams

He comes to me like a thief

In the night

Touching me with heavy hands

And soft words

Polishing my porcelain skin

Making me Shine

I still don't understand

Why

Sultry and wistful

Sensual and salacious

Loaded and forbidden

If he only knew...

Under Him

My Life could be over

No matter how hard I try

I can't cleanse him from my mind

Old Poetry Rediscovered 12-29-04

"Enigma"

Somewhere
across the miles
there's a man
whose face I keep in frames
but only in my mind
hidden where I have
all the gifts I thought of giving
and the words
I never could choke out

I've never touched him
but he makes me feel
like an awkward child
in perpetual adolescence
our minds connect
and we are amplified
louder
in color
while the rest are in
black and white

I've never been so scared
as I wondered
if he was silently
watching me
through a sea of faces
in a place far from home
And yes, I want to go with him
but the promise of pleasure
doubles the price of pain
you leave at Home

we are like stunted seeds
born without a chance
guaranteed to blossom
in the right garden
that we do not dare explore

The Gift of a Perfect Day

I woke up snuggled,
like a kitten,
in the arms I can't
and won't
imagine living without

Kissing on the train downtown
how only I notice
his eyes softening
as he whispers in my ear
the only words that matter
and we Are love.

Absorbing the city
where I lost and found myself
arm in arm
we laugh as we walk
noticing our strides are in unison
mirroring our hearts and minds
I feel safe and warm
as if I'm wrapped in velvet.

This was a day
that I will remember
with a bursting heart
when I am tired and old
and savor like a fine wine
that some people are never
lucky enough to taste.

Hunger

Our appetites were formed
In the optimism
of our Youth
Before we knew
what we really needed -
Decisions ripening
and falling like leaves,
dead on the ground.
Our experience
alone and together
like a prism
through which we see
Everything
differently now,
clearly,
not led by restlessness
or ultimatums,
a path of technicolor
where it was only
grayscale.
I have disconnected my fantasies
So I can fill myself
with something real
and the Hunger stops.

Evolution

All I swore
I couldn't live through
Has come and gone...
Apologies
And excuses
Didn't change
The Truth.

I evolved
Past confusion,
Rewriting the clarity
Of my own days.
I am no longer led
By recklessness
Or Ultimatums.

I control time
My hours are mine
I am not locked into
A pair of arms
That don't comfort...
Internal bleeding
Is always more dangerous.

I removed
All the pieces of him
That stuck to me
Like invisible anchors.
Instead of looking
At the door that closed
I opened a window...

And joy leaked in
Like a warm breeze
Cleaning and restoring me
Bringing value to all
That was lost...
And I am beautiful
Because you love me.

CH4 + 2O2 -- > CO2 + 2H2O

Tonight I am a scientist
Struggling with the formula
To determine if
The velocity of intoxication
Outweighs the ratio of destruction
Tonight I am a doctor
Plotting elective surgery
Choosing how deep I will be cut
If your heart is not connected
To the rest of your body
Tonight I am a composer
Crafting a forgotten symphony
Where minds and mouths
Perform a sacred
And forgotten dance
Soon I will be only Yours
Surrendering to my soul's desire
Hoping that one taste of Bliss
Is enough to balance Hell
Of being Haunted

Stasis

Every time I can't sleep

and the moon winks at me

through my bedroom window

I think about

the Promise of Us

Does it mean that I love you

Still

Or are you just

A bad case of

Romantic Indigestion?

You are like

A terminal cancer

eating my heart

Suffocating me from

so many miles away

All you've ever offered

is Memories

of when I watched you sleep,

our bodies intertwined

like wild vines,

how your eyes

could level me without even trying

We are like stunted seeds

born without a chance

Banished forever

from a garden we dared not explore