More Adventures in Gothland.

Last night my beloved Brie and I met down at Lola's to get our dance on. I've desperately needed a session of dance floor therapy for weeks now, so I was excited about this. Also, know the DJ, (who was guesting last night) and he plays good tunage so I knew that something cool would be had.

Sucked down a Vodka Granade (aka lemon drop) and the Sisters of Mercy (Lucretia My Reflection - how could I resist?) got me out on the floor with about 5 other hearty souls. Good warm up, which led into *be still my beating heart* BAUHAUS - "Rosegarden Funeral of Sores" (aka the song that makes me want to take my clothes off and do bad things) - which, cleared out everyone but me of course, like Bauhaus tends to do. Eff those haters, anyway! If I was a stripper I'd only dance to Bauhaus. Hahahah.

Anyway, so it was me, in front of the speaker, ruining my hearing as per usual, zoned out and completely oblivious to, oh, reality, like only a good Bauhaus song at 40,000 decibels can do...

Was very very hot due to lack of ventilation, so I retreated back to the booth for a bit. Brie left to go get a drink. And as we all have seen again and again, when I'm sitting alone at a table at Goth Night is when interesting things happen. I'm sure Brie can fill in the blanks to this chapter eloquently.

"Hi, I'm Chris." He plunks down in Brie's spot.

"Hi Chris, that's my friend's seat you sat down in."

"Well... where are they?"

"Bar."

"Cool.... what's your name?"

"Sara."

"Sara, I like your style."

"Oh yeah?" I polish off the rest of my drink, as suddenly I need it.

"Yeah. Like... you're pretty enough that like, your hair is short, but like, you don't look like a lesbian."

"What's wrong with lesbians?"

"Nothing. Why? Are you a lesbian?"

"No Chris, I am not a lesbian."

"Oh...cool... cause like, your hair... it reminds me of like, the 1900's."

"You mean like out on the prairie?"

"No no... like... the, uh, nineteen... 20's or something."

"Oh... okay. Thanks."

Brie comes back at this point, asks for her seat back, and a cigarette from him. Hahahah. He proceeds to try to impress us with his AC/DC tattoo and bottle opener. He tells us he's in a band called "SKULL SPLITTER" as he karate chops his own forehead for emphasis. He used to be in Poison Idea, who I had heard of and kind of liked.

I'm not so sure what was said on the other side of the table, as Brie was over there, but apparently he liked "her style" too, after she informed him (the Revolting Cocks tempted me to the dance floor again) that I had a boyfriend.

Came back, and Brie was giving him a little pop quiz. She asked him what he liked besides heavy metal, and he informed us that he liked to read "Nitch." Brie corrected him, "You mean Nietzche?" and he insisted "Yes, that's what he meant."

"What have you read by Nietzche?" she asked.

"Uh.... um....uh...."

"Okay, what about him do you like? What ideas?"

"Um, well... uh...."

"Don't lie to me Chris. You never read Nietzche." This is where Brie really decides to fuck with him.

"So Chris, how many states are there."

He gets a pained expression on his face and tugs on his scraggly long hair. "Uhhhh... 48, I think?"

She shakes her head. "Okay, how many continents are there?"

"Ummmm.... Nine? Cause there's like, Europe, North America, South America..."

(*editors note: NOT making any of this up - I swear)

"Okay Chris... who was the first President?" she asks.

"Um, like, I know everyone thinks it was Washington, but I can't think of the name of the guy that it really was."

I just look at her across the table, my eyes wide.

"Chris..." Brie asks "How many fingers do you have?"

"Uhhh, what?"

I chime in "Aww, come on, she's giving you one you can get right! But! I can guarantee he knows all the words to 'Back in Black.'"

"I like you Brie. Do you have a pen? I want to get your phone number."

"Sorry dude, No."

He asks me for a pen, I tell him No. Brie says, "Well you'll just have to come back and find me the next time."

Brie gets up to use the bathroom, and something happened involving Chris seranading her in the hallway, freaking her out to the point where she grabs my arm and says "Can we please leave NOW? I want to leave NOW!"

Which of course, was ok with me, as I was all sweaty and tired from dancing my heart out. So we bailed.

Thus ends another chapter in Adventures in Gothland.