Thanksgiving, my ass!

http://www.fucklikeapirateday.com/
November 23!
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Mean Mommy.

Both our kids were in the principals office today. Jori was in there initially for the fallout from yesterday's bus scuffle, and he made an encore performance for "threatening" a classmate this afternoon.

Winter decided to cut her own hair in class (yes, I know WTF), when ratted out by a classmate she was sent to the principal due to her behavior...

Dave had class tonight (it's seriously a curse - on his school nights one or both of them ALWAYS pulls a doozy, without fucking fail...) and so I called him to see what punishment he wanted me to enforce. Immediate grounding for this evening.

Got home, let them know Dad says they are grounded. The boy accepts his punishment, but the girl melts down. "I want my OTHER mommy, my REAL mommy, not my MEAN stepmommy! You and daddy are so mean! I want to go live with my REAL mommy!"

Yeah kid, I'm the evil stepmommy. Evil stepmommys stay home with you when you are sick. They go to your school conferences, and skip work to do so. They take you to the doctor when you are sick, and they stay at home with you and watch you when your daddy is at school, trying to earn a better living to provide better for you. They buy you school clothes, bandage up your sores, teach you how to read, teach you how to brush your teeth, teach you how to dust, teach you how to tell time, make you laugh when you cry, and help you pull out teeth for the tooth fairy.

Evil stepmommys make zucchini bread with you, and color with you, and buy you christmas presents, and stick "I love you notes" in your lunch every once in s a while. They also throw you birthday parties at Chuck E Cheese, because that's a really mean thing to do. They teach you about babies, and about your body, and answer all your questions about things like "What are nipples" and about the origin of your belly button. They take you to get your hair cut and get a pedicure on occasion too. They fill their work cubical with art work you made them just to be mean.

Evil stepmommys also certainly give up having their own "REAL" children so they can stick around and be mean to you.

I AM SO MEAN. I didn't yell at her. I didn't spank her. I relayed a message from her father that she was in trouble, and I am the MEAN STEPMOMMY. Once again, I'm left trying to pick up the pieces of these children, who are so confused because of their fucking idiot egg donor bio mom, and I HATE being the one that they hate, for no reason at all.

It sucks when a 6 year old can emotionally torpedo you. I need to toughen up. On days like this I'd love nothing more for her fucking ass to get the phone call from the principal, and try to explain why her kid is acting out.

Sunday.

Sunday was kick ass - Dave and I had a date day - we went and saw "Control" aka the Joy Division movie. Loved it. Love the soundtrack (which I just bought). Anyway, while we were waiting for the movie to start we killed time in Nordstrom... which led to me buying an extremely adorable pair of Franco Sarto heels. I didn't buy any purses though, so THERE.
I did buy a purse yesterday though, but that's another story... lol

The best part of Sunday though was that I had one of those "perfect" moments. My mom watched the kids so we could go see "Closer" (one week only engagement). I was walking hand in hand in downtown with Dave, and the leaves smelled sweet with decay and swirled around us in little wind clouds of a warm breeze, and the sun was beginning to set and the buzz of the city was all around us, everything so urban and vibrant and...us. It was just one of those moments where all in the world is just right. I leaned over and kissed him as we waited at the crosswalk, and as we walked we had a conversation about how we are so completely city people that we may never buy a house while the kids are around. I think we're going to save for a city loft instead. Another one of those ways we are so fantastically compatible...fuck the white picket fence, we want a doorman!

Back to reality though, with various behavior problems with the children all week. Highlights include Winter locking my mom out of her house (on purpose), fit throwing, the front door being left wide open (I was home alone, this was on their way out the door) and I had to retrieve Coley from the front porch, and the crown jewel - Jori's schoolbus fistfight, which led to the complete demolishing of his glasses. Gotta admit though, am proud of the little scrapper... he takes after me in that regard - lol. Proof that just because you wear glasses you aren't a wussy.

Birthday.

So I'm old.

Not only did Dave let me fall asleep at 9pm on 09-21, he let me stay asleep until 9am. 12 hours of sleep = Sara in a very very good mood when she wakes up!! So I woke up and went into the bathroom to pee and there was a note on the bathroom mirror - a pirate map with a birthday sonnet and a clue... a birthday treasure hunt!

So I ran around the house and out to the car etc solving mini mysteries and getting clues and uncovered my presents - a mega rare Ted Bundy book that officially rounds out my collection (fuck yeah I'm weird) and the diamond earrings I've been drooling over and wanting for the wedding! YES! He is the awesomenest almost husband ever!!

Then we got ready and went to Gustav's for lunch and I got to be lazy all day long and do no chores. I got a yummy white chocolate cake from Larsen's bakery and it was kick ass!!

So that was my birthday. Being 30 is pretty cool so far.

Dad.

So I took my dad to the doctor today. We have a new neurologist, because the old one left to be a doctor for a real hospital and not the VA.

The new guy is pretty cool, and took an hour with us, answering my many questions. I just wish he had better news for us.

He had a CT scan that my dad had done recently, and there were some surprises there. He started off with the good news: "Well, it looks like he hasn't been having strokes like we thought were happening, and that looks really good."

The bad part is though, that the CT showed that my dad's 1 problem isn't just Parkinson's - its Alzheimer's. Stage 5-6. Yes, he has Parkinson's symptoms, but according to the new doc the major problem is Alzheimer's.

He ran a bunch of tests, which didn't go well at all. I expected that, as he's been more "loopy" than usual. He kept looking at me with this helpless look in his eyes.

"What year is it?" "Uh.... nine?"

"What branch of the military were you in?" "Uh.... I don't know..."etc etc.

He told me to expect my dad to go mute within the next year. Muteness happens in stage 7 - the last one. He's off the dementia drugs, because he's past the point of where they will help him. He's being weaned off of some of the other ones too, because they aren't going to help him this far in the game.

So I'm getting all of this unsuspected bad news, trying not to cry, trying not to freak out that my dad's mom died in a nursing home from the very same thing, and trying not to think that I take after that side of the family, etc etc and asking questions like "When will he need a memory facility?" "How will I know when I need to do XYZ". I'm being very careful to try not to use the word Alzheimer's, because my dad freaked out when Gramma got it - he put her in a home and bailed. He was too freaked out to deal with her, and so he didn't. (I can't help but think of Karma here, as much as it breaks my heart).

So I'm walking him out to the car in my sunglasses, so he can't see me starting to cry, and he says "So what did the doctor say, honey?"

After all of that, no fucking clue. What was I supposed to say? "Well dad, you'll be a vegetable within a year, probably. It shows over 50% of your cerebral matter is dead." Wouldn't that be a nice thing to tell him?

I answered, "Those pictures we looked at of your brain showed that you aren't having any strokes, and you get to take two less pills now."

"Well that's good." He answered, smiling.

I have about a year until I won't see my dad's smile again. That goes with the speech deficiency, he will have zero facial movement aside from drooling and the occasional grunt. I didn't expect this... I hope he dies so he doesn't have to slowly shut down piece by piece, for his sake.

I don't have to go back to the VA for 6 months. This is good, in one sense, but I can't help but think that it's because they know they can't do anything else for him. We've been going at 3 month intervals before.

I need to meet with an elder law attorney, and see the best way to maximize my dad's assets and get him ready for the best sort of skilled nursing place he can afford. It looks like we're going to be there sooner than later. I heard that when you put them in a home they take everything from them, you sign it over. I don't want that to happen - because if the place sucks, then I won't have his money to move him somewhere else.

The Mom and Dads.

So a guy I work with just bought a house from some friend of his, who was selling it because his dad (who lived there) died. So there was this house full of crap. The old dude never married, and I guess he packed away everything.
So Pat (the co-worker) comes up to me two days ago, and he says "Hey, you're the one that's always getting records in the mail, right?" Heh. Busted! I say "Yup..." He says "So I'm cleaning out Victor's house and getting stuff ready for Goodwill, and he's got about 200 record albums. Do you want them?"

DO I FUCKING WANT THEM? Hell yeah!
Now, before you all get too excited for me, over HALF are Lawrence Welk or Lawrence Welk related stuff. They are all in perfect condition, and Dave had the really good idea of donating all of them to an old folks home.

There are also a shit ton of POLKA records, some of them have little gnomes on them and shit and so therefore they are awesome.

There were a few gems in there - Tennessee Ernie Fords, Hank Snows, old Honky Tonk stuff that I dig on because I was raised on it... but then... there was a full collection of MY NEW FAVORITE BAND!!!

Yes! You truly haven't lived until you've heard THE MOM AND DADS. Only ONE Mom and THREE Dads. I bet she was a dirty slut.

The record itself, with a 1976 biography, explains all:

"The Mom and Dads story is truly one of silent success. In the razzle dazzle record business, they are somewhat out of place. Their music does not get played on Top 40 Radio Stations. In fact, it receives little airplay at all. Try and find a Mom and Dads record on the best seller charts..."

Hmm, now WHY would a polka band from Spokane, Washington NOT be on the best seller charts? That just seems WRONG.

However!!! "Their first album 'The Ranger's Waltz' has achieved deouble platinum success in Canada." CANADA! IF YOU POLKA YOU ARE ROCK STARS IN CANADA!!!

I love Canada, and I really love The Mom and Dads. I'm keeping one of their albums. If any of you want one, tell me, and I will mail one to you. HAHAHA But be warned, it's all polka, NO singing.

bwahahahaha!!!

Pebbles.

Why am I still awake? Because I'm a huge sucker and can't sleep without Dave around now. How bizarre is that?

And why isn't Dave around, you ask?

Well. Winter was complaining that her ears hurt tonight. After Dave sat her down and started to talk to her about why her ears hurt she admitted she put the little plastic pebbles from the school pseudo-sandbox (psuedo because its a giant box filled with plastic pebbles instead of sand to dig in) in her ears. Both of them. We tried flushing with warm water and were unsuccessful.
So Dave is currently at the Kaiser in Portland having the doctor dig the little things out of her ears.

While Dave was on the phone with Kaiser she howled loudly until I scooped her up in my lap and told her that her screaming was scaring the dog, and if she was quiet the dog would come see us. She quieted down, snuggled into me and the dog and passed out until Dave was ready to take her to the hospital.

Moments like that are really great... I get to be her mom when she needs it.

P.S. 13 days until my lasik. WOOOT! If anyone has GOOD stories to tell me, please do, as I'm done hearing horror stories of corneas mangled.

P.P.S. Today I got paid and I went on a HUGE record binge on ebay and an import site I found. Bad me. I know I'll be at 600 albums before year's end. HAHAH!!!